I fell and landed head first

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Paul Barker
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#16 Re: I fell and landed head first

Post by Paul Barker »

Thanks guys. What happened was I flipped myself into a dive by relating a near drowning experience I had aged 10 when I was dragged out to sea on Costa Brava in a storm by a rip current. I never knew that was a ptsd I never processed until now. I shan’t give the breakdown of it as I need to keep my head clear of dusty skelletons like that. I need to turn the corner before I can summon the mental strength to go into houses and fix boilers again. Right now Im ignoring phone calls as when you work for individuals in their home they never let up on you, their mind is full time focused on their needs. You could say Im still squashed under the wheels of a double decker London Bus, and they will still pester you for a date and time! All of the local bg team left when asked to sign a new contract or leave coming out of lockdown. They chose te exit option. Now they are driving with parts orders for Motor Factors. Ive only got 20 months before state pension, my gas exams which we have to resit every five years, are next due 8 months after that. Maybe I shant ever resit them. It just depends whether we have managed to tighten our belts enough by then. The pain like neuralgia has worsened and encompases whole skull and the nerves from tooth ache and ear ache involved aswell. But the ct scan was ok and as an engineer I cant have a mri scan in case I go blind. So Im just toughing it out.

But some days I dril another mounding hole in the Raymond Bates design Im building. But Im not very productive at a few drilled mounting holes and Im tired of it.

Sorry the purpose of mentioning the BG situation opens ideas, I could contract to them again, if theyd have me at this age (regardless of employment law, there is terrible ageism in the engineering sector. Last gas examps I went for I was bullied and asked why I hadnt finished work yet and made room for the younger ones. This pre covid. Anyway opens up a few ideas, like maybe I should be driving a parts van for motor factors. Or maybe I should be BG’s bitch again. But theyre bastards to you. Might be simpler though than all the households acting like young birds in the nest with their beaks wide apart squawking for foor, which is how I see the customers trying to get me right now.
"Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I am not yet completely sure about the universe." – Albert Einstein
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pre65
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#17 Re: I fell and landed head first

Post by pre65 »

It takes time Paul.

Remain positive and focus on how you want things to be.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

Edmund Burke

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Nick
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#18 Re: I fell and landed head first

Post by Nick »

Remain positive and focus on how you want things to be.
That is literally the least you could do.
Whenever an honest man discovers that he's mistaken, he will either cease to be mistaken or he will cease to be honest.
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Paul Barker
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#19 Re: I fell and landed head first

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Bang on. Also Im trying to do physical excercise. Like when Im in the garden with Roxy I do squats while she takes an eternity to decide where to pooh. We have a door gym and Im managing 3 pull ups. A far cry from when doing karate I could do one arm pullups, one leg pistol squats and and one arm press ups on the two nuckles you use as youre weapon when punching. Sorry about the gruesome detail, but its relevant to the level of fitness I once had. There was endurance trained into us also, you couldnt put youre feet down from the 2” you had to hold them off floor as long as it took the sensei to let you. Turns out these days a lot of the things we did have resurfaced as planking. But we had to plank with someone sitting on us, do squats with a partner on our shoulders etc etc. Ive never been a bad person looking for a fight. In them days we were just young men star struck by Bruce Lee. We didnt mean it!

But it was the best fitness regime Ive ever experienced and yet also a superb vehicle to train tenacity and endurance into you, always going past where you want to under orders. Thats why when in the 80’s as a despatch rider I was top rider wherever I worked. I never gave up, though I did some endurance endeavours most human beings would have died from. Such as full days despatching in London, then take a parcel to Llandidno, post it through letter box 2 am then ride back to London, in winter freezing to death on a Honda rs250 on approaching London frozen out of my skin they called out for me and kept me going hell for leather round streets of London for the full day, a Friday, always the hardest day. No kidding two full days and all night riding a pretty uncomfortable 250 single. There were other feat’s like it but in them days just surviving a days despatching in London was endurance, and not everyone did 5 days in a row. There was a competition because of attemdance to see who could ride 5 days for 6 months without a day off. Because of my higher functioning autistic nature that was a walk in the park to me. Oh and also aswell as a £1,000 bonus you were titled a Gold Rider which gave you more pay, guaranteed first call on any lucrative runs, ad a guarantee of £400 per week whether they gave you enough work or not. I was the only rider who achieved it. All the others fell off, too big a mountain for them. The personality I have, you just have to suggest to me what I ought to do and I will achieve it for you. Its a curse really.

So thats what lies behind this wreck beaten by his depression. By the way Ive always refused meds for it. When I get into my endurance zone focusing on achievements holds me above depression.

This will go and I shall rise from the ashes.
"Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I am not yet completely sure about the universe." – Albert Einstein
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Paul Barker
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#20 Re: I fell and landed head first

Post by Paul Barker »

It has started with 3 pullups.
"Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I am not yet completely sure about the universe." – Albert Einstein
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#21 Re: I fell and landed head first

Post by jack »

Paul Barker wrote: Sun Jan 30, 2022 11:10 am It has started with 3 pullups.
The longest walk starts with a single step...

Excellent!

I'm giving up cake and biscuits for three months.

Bit of a first world problem...
Vivitur ingenio, caetera mortis erunt
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